Graduating in...

... 47 days! Wow, that seems like a lot...I feel much better now. YAY.

Upcoming events:

• Halloween (all weekend)! Special pumpkin explosion halloween crazy fest 2005-Monday, 6:15. I'm going to be a cute bumble bee :)

• House/dog sitting November 4-6. Two really cute, lovey cocker spaniels, satellite tv, hot tub, and lots of time to study for the GRE. :)

• Ryan's bday Nov 11th (25!!) xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

• Going home to help Jillian pick out her wedding dress Nov 11-13th <3

• GRE test November 17th :(

• Thanksgiving Nov 24th...who is going to feed me??? :-/

• Black Theatre Final December 6th

• Drugs and Poisons Final December 9th

• GRADUATION December 10th!!!!!!!!!!!!!

• MY 23rd Birthday December 20th

• Arctic Winter begins December 21st

• Christmas (you know the date)

• New Years

• Life begins.

Ideas for life in January 2006:

1. Stay in SLO and continue to work at EAS, granted I get a raise, and find a home.
   
2. Stay in SLO because I get a really cool, well paying job somewhere in the area, granted I find a home.
3. Stay in SLO because I love it here and get a random job like waitressing and/or stripping in order to pay rent at my new found home.
4. Stay in SLO, live on people's couches, mooch off their food, work at EAS for $9/hr, and call it a day.
   
5. Move somewhere else in California wherever a degree-bearing person gets a job.
6. Move home and work somewhere lame in Vacaville, but live rent free.
7. Move to New Jersey because I get lucky and Revlon hires me as an analytical chemist.

Jobs I've applied for:

• Wildhorse Winery Chemist
  
• Pfizer Pharmaceutical Sales Rep
• Revlon Laboratory Chemist
• Amvac Chemical Corporation
• E & J Gallo Winery
  
• Amphastar Pharmaceuticals
  
• Fziomed
• Local watering-hole bar dancer
  

Ideas for life starting Aug. 2006:

1. Grad school for science journalism/science writing
• Boston University
• Colombia University
• NYU
• Northwestern University -Illinois
• University of Maryland
• Johns Hopkins University-Maryland
• University of Washington
2. Grad school for criminal justice/forensics
3. Grad school for Pharmacology or Toxicology
• University of Chicago-Illinois
  
4. Grad school for Chemistry
• Washington University-St. Louis
• Northeastern University-Boston
• Brandeis University-Boston
  
5. Teaching Credential

OKAY PEOPLE!! Give me some feedback please!! If you know of any companies that are chemistry/science related that may be hiring, please let me know!! If you have any information about grad school/the programs I've listed/or a cool new idea that you think I'd be great at, tell me!! If you would like me and my smallness to stay on your couch, just fill me in!! Or, just push my tush in the right direction...oh wise one.

Something's Missing

John Mayer- Something's Missing

(has this song come up in my blog before?)

I'm not alone.
I wish I was.
Cuz then I'd know
I was down because
I couldn't find a friend around,
To love me like they do right now.

I'm dizzy from the shopping mall.
I searched for joy, but I bought it all.
It doesn't help the hunger pangs,
And a thirst I'd have to drown first to ever satiate.

Something's missing,
And I don't know how to fix it.
Something's missing,
And I don't know what it is.

When autumn comes,
It doesn't ask,
It just walks in where it left you last.
You never know when it starts,
Until there's fog inside the glass around your summer heart.

I can't be sure that this state of mind is not of my own design.
I wish there was an over-the-counter test,
For loneliness.
For loneliness like this.

Something's different
And I don't know what it is.
Friends, check!
Money, check!
A well slept, opposite sex, check!
Guitar, check!
Microphone, check!
Messages waiting on me, when I come home, check!


My life really doesn't suck, this is just a good representation of the lack of stability I feel from day to day. However, don't feel sorry for me, or worry, because I'm feeling better. As soon as I realized that I'm mostly overdramatizing a lot of things in my life (besides the loss of my grandma), then I knew, "ohhh, so really, life is GOOD, and I am such a lucky girl!!" Slowly, I realize that and I need to start doing things for myself, instead of for others. I am such a giver, I always try to make everyone else happy, or proud of me. Maybe I should make myself proud of me. You say, "duh", but it has taken me a long time to come to this conclusion. Who cares if I don't make a ton of money, especially right out of college? As long as I am happy where I live, who I'm around, and where I work- that's more important than money. And I have a lot of friends who are offering their couches. They even said they'll PAY ME to stay in SLO! jk..I'm a dreamer. Who cares if I don't know for sure what I want to be when I grow up? It will come to me with experience and time, and trying different things because, hey, I CAN change my mind. My parents are going to be more proud of me once they know I am happy with myself. Yeah, they want me to live a good life, but with a degree, and these good looks, I'll be fine! ;) Who cares if I don't write my paper, or study for a midterm, or even finish my senior project?! HA! Just kidding, gotta do those things. But I realized today that sometimes school work calms me. I was telling a friend of mine that when I'm writing a paper, or working on a project, everything else in the world disapears and I feel good about myself. Just relax, I'll get everything done, I always do...and with pizazz and greatness!! Who cares if I don't have a "boyfriend?" At least I have someone around EVERY DAY who makes me feel special, taken care of, and happy. Sometimes you have to be patient with people you care about because everyone has gone through different life experiences that makes them who they are...but it doesn't mean they don't care about you, or want to be with you. Having a dramatic, complicated, bad relationship with a silly title is worse than having a really good friend who opens his arms to you, listens to you, and wants to spend his time with you. I need to just let it go. Life is good!

"I know a girl, she puts the color inside of my world"
(I like to think I am that girl.)

A Beautiful Life

My grandma, "Ladonna", passed away late Saturday night. She was fighting cancer for a couple of years, but no longer has to suffer. She died peacefully in her sleep, after a few rough months, staying in bed all day in her home in Lake Havasu, Arizona. I am grateful that she was able to be at home in her own bed and didn't have to experience a lot of pain and grief, but I will miss her terribly; she was my closest grandma. Last year my family asked her where she would like to go on vacation if she could go anywhere, and she picked San Luis Obispo to visit me. So, they came to visit last September right before school started and we had a great time at Hearst Castle, farmers market, and Apple Farm. I am sad for my grandpa because his first wife died of cancer right when I was born 23 years ago, and now he has to go through this again. I can't even imagine what he must be feeling. I haven't had to experience this sort of loss in my life yet, so it's hard to know how to react or how to feel. I've tried not thinking about it, but I'm flying there Friday morning to be with my family and rembering her wonderful life. I was driving to Monterey on highway 1 on Sunday after I heard the news, and it was the most beautiful day and the most spectacular, breathtaking views that I just knew that all of the gods and all of the angels above were celebrating a beautiful person, and welcoming her to a peaceful, happy place.

"If I could open my mouth wide enough for a marching band to march out
They would make your name sing
And bend through alleys and bounce off of the buildings"