Why Chemistry?

"Confusion never stops, closing walls, and ticking clocks..."

Today after our Instrumental Analysis lecture, Helya and I felt very overwhelmed. In the middle of class, Helya looked at me and said "why are we chemistry majors?" Good question! It seems as time goes by, we understand less and less about what we are learning, and chemistry has become a foreign language. We manage to survive with lots of studying, but do we really KNOW what we are being tested on? In less than a year I will be getting a BS in Chemistry. Do i really deserve this degree? When I think of graduates who earn their degree in a specific subject, I think of experts, and of people who know what they are doing, and can explain their topic with confidence and elegance. I am afraid of the outside world, and afraid the jumbled information inside of my head won't get me anywhere.

People tell me that I shouldn't worry or put myself down this way, but it's hard when you hear other people around you sounding so sure about what they know. I'm hoping grad school will prepare me for what I need to know in particular, so that I can actually be an "expert" about something special and interesting. It's not even really about being an expert, as much as it is feeling confident about what I am doing with my life. Nothing gives me more pleasure than to be able to explain some difficult chemisty problem to someone who knows less than me. So why do i want to do physical chemistry at grad school? Another good question..I am good at it. I can't explain IT without a heavy review session, but I guess we have to start somewhere.